To Live as if Dying

by ST, 2/16/2025

     I recently heard the song "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw.  

He said
“I was in my early forties
With a lot of life before me
And a moment came that stopped me on a dime
I spent most of the next days
Looking at the x-rays
Talkin’ ’bout the options
And talkin’ ’bout sweet time”
I asked him
“When it sank in
That this might really be the real end
How’s it hit you
When you get that kind of news?
Man, what’d you do?”

He said
“I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying”
And he said
“Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying”

He said
“I was finally the husband
That most of the time I wasn’t
And I became a friend a friend would like to have
And all of a sudden going fishin’
Wasn’t such an imposition
And I went three times that year I lost my dad
I finally read the Good Book, and I
Took a good, long, hard look
At what I’d do if I could do it all again
And then

I went skydiving
I went Rocky Mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I gave forgiveness I’d been denying”
And he said
“Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
Like tomorrow was a gift
And you’ve got eternity
To think about
What you’d do with it
What could you do with it
What did I do with it?
What would I do with it?

Skydiving
I went Rocky mountain climbing
I went 2.7 seconds on a bull named Fumanchu
And I loved deeper
And I spoke sweeter
And I watched an eagle as it was flying”
And he said
“Someday I hope you get the chance
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying
To live like you were dying”

https://digitallegacyservices.com/pages/lyrics-of-live-like-you-were-dying-by-tim-mcgraw

     Every day I'm dying.  The questions are:  How long will it take?  How will I go?  What legacy will I leave? to start with.
     I wish I could write about it poetically, wish my life were poetic (not just poetic justice), or a great drama that would impact all who saw it in a powerful way.
     In my allotment, there's no skydiving, no Rocky Mountain climbing, no bull riding.  
     Skydiving would scare the hell out of me, and what would be the purpose, other than that?  Merely to show courage?  Surely there are more important, valuable ways of being courageous.  It depends whether that skydiving was to save a life or a land, perhaps.
     I'd love to go Rocky Mountain climbing, but I have some limitations in that pursuit--means and mobility issues.  I am genuinely grateful for the travel I have done these last years, particularly.  Glad, grateful, I didn't put it off, thinking I could manage it better in some future, because this is that future, and such pursuits are less and less manageable for me.  Push against the pain?  I do, even if not as impressively as some athletes or others.  I think it not wise to ignore my body altogether, if I want to accomplish anything else in life.  Life is a balancing act, a negotiation, a conversation with compromise, hopefully not soul-compromising.
     Bull riding is meaningful for some, I have no criticism of them.  It's not an option for me.  The bulls I ride are of a different sort:  struggles with the challenges of my body, and they can be personally rough riding.  I'm so grateful for my daughter, who comes to my rescue and faces my feces with cheerful willingness . . . never making me feel bad about what I can't help.  Others, too, have rescued me in my various needs--my grandson and other family members, friends, acquaintances, even strangers.  I hope they have felt the gratitude I have tried to express, though perhaps poorly succeeded.
     If I knew I only had 3 years left to live in this world, what would I pursue?  Nothing so spectacular as skydiving--
     I want to come to some satisfying point in my projects.  They'll never be "done", but I want to feel some sort of completeness, as in a chapter that leaves a settled feeling.  One knows the story isn't over, but, like the final episode of "The Onedin Line", there is a sense of completion, even perhaps of an era.
     I would (as in "to do in future" as well as "have a will to do") continue to invest in whatever opportunities I may have to be a positive part of the lives of my loved ones--family and friends.  To do all I can to be an influence for good in their lives, bring whatever joy and significance to their lives I can.  So also in the lives of those to come, in whatever sphere I have in this world:  may my life be a meaningful contribution, not in dollars, but in sense.  I know I can only be of modest impact; I'm not seeking to be a bust on a pillar/pedestal, nor the pretentious adoration of the famous of today (or ever, I suppose).  I like to be appreciated, without having my name in lights at some gala full of applause and disingenuous speeches.
     My last days, as any of my days, I want to enjoy my gardens/yard, the beauties of the earth and God's creations.
     If perhaps my end is painful, I hope I can bear it courageously, not bitterly.  I hope I don't make it a misery for others.  I hope not to suffer, but if it must be so, may I pray, as Christ exemplified, "Thy will be done" in my life, and through my life.  Amen.